Writing Suicide Notes In Black Ink

Is there something wrong inside my head?
I keep on wishing I were dead
Will writing about it help?
I think I am broken…
Threatening existence – testing faith –
Despair and depression comes
knocking on my door, Often…

I don’t ask for help
For I don’t know what I would say.
I just know deep inside
Something is killing me –
My mind is willing me –
To death, yes that’s the way.

Sometimes I question,
Was a Bertha always in me?
And I unleashed her now – Right?
Because this madness inside – I can’t fight.

And the thoughts – oh the beautiful thoughts
Of red wrists – hanging heads –
Of cutting myself up with a dull multi-tool ,
Seeing the blood ooze out, a pool !

Those feelings – oh how I want to feel
The numbness as a blunt blade skates through my skin
The struggle in breathing as I hang myself and a rough rope slits my throat out and in.

Why can’t I stop thinking of Self-harm ?
They say, It’s a sin.
Doxepin – Zoloft – Prozac – Will you keep me firm ?
Because they say, Pharmaceuticals will one day help me win.

Now it’s been more than a year.
Drowning still seems near,
No sky looks pink,
And I am still writing suicide notes in Black ink.

12 thoughts on “Writing Suicide Notes In Black Ink

    1. Hey , thanks , I am fine . Just wanted to write out the experience I had once . Now I am recovering. I wrote this because I wanted people to know how it felt inside…

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Writing will help with healing. I hope you are doing well. My heart is with you and your struggles. I struggled for so long but immersing myself in writing my experiences began a good work in me. My prayers and good thoughts are with you. I pray you are well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Its still with me , the depression.. but I have learnt to keep a check on it and give it a back seat …. Doing fine I guess. Grateful for your prayers. Thank you …

        Liked by 1 person

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