MELANIN

Few days back I was deeply disturbed and hurt by some people on sns invalidating my Indian culture, my people, our skin color, and Country in general. It still is shocking for me as to how some people can so easily spread hatred and despise a part of humanity for no reason at all. I am sharing few screenshots that mostly triggered me emotionally.. and all of the hurt led to me writing few lines. Hope you all read it and share your opinions .

Few Screenshots of those disturbing tweets..

MELANIN

My Melanin, I wear it with pride
All the fairness, dark patches, pigmentations, and everything in between
I wear them with pride.

The world is not black and white,
Neither some fifty shades of grey.
The world I see, is like refracting rainbows and peacock feathers… My Indianness, a part of that.
Uprooted from my ancestors,
Pushed on from generation to generation, And I wear it all with pride.

Writing Suicide Notes In Black Ink

Is there something wrong inside my head?
I keep on wishing I were dead
Will writing about it help?
I think I am broken…
Threatening existence – testing faith –
Despair and depression comes
knocking on my door, Often…

I don’t ask for help
For I don’t know what I would say.
I just know deep inside
Something is killing me –
My mind is willing me –
To death, yes that’s the way.

Sometimes I question,
Was a Bertha always in me?
And I unleashed her now – Right?
Because this madness inside – I can’t fight.

And the thoughts – oh the beautiful thoughts
Of red wrists – hanging heads –
Of cutting myself up with a dull multi-tool ,
Seeing the blood ooze out, a pool !

Those feelings – oh how I want to feel
The numbness as a blunt blade skates through my skin
The struggle in breathing as I hang myself and a rough rope slits my throat out and in.

Why can’t I stop thinking of Self-harm ?
They say, It’s a sin.
Doxepin – Zoloft – Prozac – Will you keep me firm ?
Because they say, Pharmaceuticals will one day help me win.

Now it’s been more than a year.
Drowning still seems near,
No sky looks pink,
And I am still writing suicide notes in Black ink.

I hope I am not Forgotten…

I have been writing out my thoughts here since long. But since 2018 I have been undergoing Depression and while battling it I couldn’t be available here much. I missed writing . I wanted to let out my thoughts but never could have the strength to get up from my bed , sit , think , and write something.

Being in Depression isn’t nice. It sent me down a black hole. I went through a whole self-harming phase… And the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain. And people and their questions , Oh God. Firstly I would like to state that Depression is a disease. It’s not a phase , it’s a disease that needs to be cured and you need a doctor not some people who advise you to Stay happy or Watch TV or Travel. Those are complete misconceptions.

No matter how good someone’s life seems like it should be from the outside, mental health factors can still surface. That’s why people who experience anxiety and depression get frustrated when people say things like “what do you have to be sad about?” or “but you’re doing so well in this part of your life, why not just focus on that?” Those questions aren’t helpful because mental health doesn’t always depend on career success or an exciting advancement in your personal life. Someone can still experience a dark time while it seems good things are happening to them….

So things kept pilling up, my anxiety , my panic attacks , the Doctor yes , did supply me with medicines but still my emptiness still existed . It took me one whole year or may be more to come out of it , if not fully but now I am strong enough to not harm myself and atleast may be smile at life , Sometimes

I have been wanting to.share my experience here on WordPress and today I thought I should write something. I wrote some poetry , will Publish soon. I hope people read.

Thank You.

An open letter to all Vaginas

KuttiKalam

Feminism: The advocacy of woman’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

Now that’s the dictionary definition of the word. But how can anyone advocate about ‘equality of the sexes’? A woman has a vagina, the door to life. It has the power to procure ‘life’, which no man, however hard he tries, can ever do. The question of equality is settled there, once and for all.

There are some film-makers, artists, actors who feel they are the torch-bearers of ‘feminism’ in the new-age cinema.

So here is what the ‘true’ & ‘real’ depiction of feminism in recent films – A woman, betrayed by the lover/groom picks up a bottle of alcohol and walks the streets while an old ‘hindi’ song plays in the background…she managed to something that men have been doing when betrayed. So that’s equality. Men – 10 women – 1 (the films have…

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